MSCL

So, my wife got me the entire set of DVDs for My So Called Life for my birthday, and I watched them all.  One thing that really sucked was that there are 6 DVDs, but only the first 5 are actual episodes and the last one is interviews and crap.  It had been a long time since I watched the show, so when I was watching the last episode, I didn’t know it was the last episode, but then when I put in the last DVD, I was like, oh crap, that’s it.  And I was so pissed because there are so many unresolved questions.  Will Angela dump Jordan and get together with Brian Krakow (unlikely, but who knows)?  Where will Ricky end up living?  What happened to that first gay guy that Ricky liked?

For those of you expecting the comeback of my blog to lead to some high quality posts, all I have to say is haha suckas.  The quality is lower than ever.  But stay tuned because I am going to try to try to become inspired at some point and produce something of value.

Back

Hi everyone.  I know it has been a long time, but I’m back blogging again.  Honestly, I don’t really remember why I stopped.  What have I been doing for the past year and a half?  It’s hard to say.  But what I can say is this.  Within a year, this blog will have one million readers.  Why?  Because I have a unique voice.  It is very squeaky.  In fact, I predict that within the next year I will be mistaken for a mouse and sprayed with poison by an exterminator guy.  Then I will be in the newspaper, and then people will look me up on Google.  A million people.  And they will find out that the guy who got exterminated actually wrote this blog.  And they will read a few posts and most will be like, eh, that’s a weird guy.  But a few, like 0.1%, will find what I write to be interesting and/or funny.  You may end up being one of those people.  Isn’t that exciting?

Happy Birthday Wife!

To the glory of your panel!!!

For one evening you brought us into a magical world far from Earth.

It was more beautiful than this trash can.

Advice

I don’t have much time, so I will have to be briefer than you will want me to have been. I decided that I would give a gift to all of my loyal readers out there, Dutch and non-Dutch. I am going to give you the gift of advice. Pay attention.

If your goal is to make a big pile of money, there are certain things you can do to make yourself much more likely to succeed. Being smart and working hard are good, but here is the key thing that just doesn’t seem to sink in with people. You need to find an area where it is possible to make big bucks, and then you need to figure out who has made so much money in this area that they don’t care about making money anymore and now they truly take pleasure in explaining to everyone how they made so much money.

Now, I’m not saying these people are easy to find. There are a lot of phonies out there, and very few people satisfy the criteria I laid out. But they are definitely out there. They exist in finance, business, and poker, among other areas. And if you are good at using the Internet, you will find them eventually.

Take poker for example. There is this guy called theBruiser500 who is wicked smart and has made tons of money playing high stakes poker. For fun, he decided to go to the online forum where medium stakes players hang out and just answer any question that was thrown at him. You need to check it out because it is hidden treasure.

Once you are able to find stuff like this, all you have to do is listen. They are going to tell you what works. They are going to warn you of pitfalls, and they are going to tell you what you will be thinking along the way. They will make you a millionnaire if you let them.

Clearing Some Things Up

Lately, a lot of my Dutch readers have been chatting it up in the comments and complaining that I don’t feature enough political discussion centered around the Netherlands. I’m only going to say this once. This is a blog for discussing various aspects of forgotten realms, not for discussing the current state of affairs in the Dutch government. For the record, I think that Balkenende, despite his background in economics, is not the best candidate to rescue you from your current financial woes. Luckily, now that Kiplagat has broken the 20km world record, you should be seeing more money coming in due to tourism. For more discussion of this and other issues, maybe you should go to this site.

By the way, my wife’s blog is a great source of information about Dutch history and politics. And by “Dutch history and politics”, I mean “making a living doing hobbies that you love in America”.

Time For A Cryptoquote

P SYR DNQA LNL’T SBBER BPR ESTY CPOZY. TZR ERSULT

YZR BRRE NC YN OPUR PY S LNAR AQTYPG VESUNA.

Loneliness

Don’t you hate how bloggers are always telling you about things they did with their friends and family and significant others? “Me and Jim went to a knitting class this Saturday. He is so supportive.” “Bob, Frank and I got drunk last night and tipped over some trash cans. It was friggin’ awesome!” “I hope Carrie isn’t reading this because she will be so embarrassed!”

Screw that. It is OK to do things alone. It is OK to do uninteresting things alone, like watch TV all day on a Saturday. As you all know by now, I have a wife. I also have a mom and dad and friends. But I’m still alone in my mind. And today I’m thinking about you, writing this for you. Eat some ice cream. Take a long shower. Play some video games. Just take it easy.

Don’t Call!

First off, I would like to say bikken groot gelukkig to all of my new Dutch readers. This cool dude linked to my page, and I am forever indebted to him. He is trying to come up with a unified theory of online 25-50 NLHE and I honestly think he has a shot at it.

But let us now turn from poker’s future to poker’s past. Its forgotten past. Its forgotten realms. Back before PokerBots and PokerTracker and Mike Sexton’s glimmering buttery nipples, there lived a man named Mike Caro. They called him the mad genius of poker, but I simply call him the mad of poker. He was a man who was so mad about poker that he would regularly wager his testicles against another man’s armpit hair in a 5-card draw heads up match. And when he won a match, as he always did, he would put the hair between two slices of bread and eat it as a sandwich for all the townsfolk to see, leaving his opponent hairless and humiliated.

Where was I? Oh yes. I have not yet mentioned the video. Caro’s crowninig achievement. For years, Mike Caro worked to produce the perfect five-minute video that would capture the essence of poker, his beautiful mind, and his brilliantly intact testicles. He finally accomplished his goal on a Tuesday. Here is the video. Enjoy.

An Exotic Land

Remember before I went away and stopped posting for a while that I told you I was going to Greenland, Turkmenistan, and the Australian outback? Unfortunately, I was lying. The trip was just to China, my wife’s stupid homeland. Although you would think that a trip to China would be incredibly boring, it actually turned out pretty good.

I was pleasantly surprised to see some of my favorite fast food joints there. I ate cheeseburgers, fries, hamburgers, and even popcorn chicken. Look at the pictures above. Can you see the Kernel? Can you see the golden arches? Can you feel the love?

Also, I got to ride on a train. And on this train I had what many would call a spiritual experience. I was staring into the bathroom, as I tend to do, and I noticed a pool of water slowly forming on the floor. Suddenly, what appeared to be a plastic fork began to float into my field of vision. Where did that fork come from? KFC? McDonalds? Pizza Hut? Was it included as part of some kind of packaged meal? I pointed it out to my wife and told her I wanted to bring it back to America but she wouldn’t let me for some reason. For the rest of the trip, I had a hard time getting that fork out of my mind.

All told, this trip turned out to be pretty mind opening. I would even go so far as to call it mind blowing. This trip was my mommy.

A Pancake is $25,000

Sometimes you just have to trust your instincts. You really do. I have been playing a lot of poker recently, and I want to tell you about a few interesting hands that I played.

The first one took place in a double-deck no limit hold ‘em game with $1/2 blinds. The game was seven-handed and stack sizes were all over the map. I picked up Jh3d under the gun and folded. Then one guy went all in, and then another went all in, and another, and finally a fourth! They flipped over their cards and had KhKc, AcAd, AdAh, and AsAc. The flop came Kd4h2h. The turn was 3h, and the river was 5h. We realized that there would be lots of work dealing with side pots and splitting the pot, so we called up the manager of the local McDonalds to help us. It was late and he was sleeping, but when we explained the situation to him, he realized that he was desperately needed. Also, he had curly hair and was somewhat overweight.

The second hand took place out on a football field. Four of us decided that we would will giant three-dimensional clubs and spades to fall from the sky. When they hit the ground, they bounce and keep going. Obviously, if one hits you then you will die. So once they start falling you better fucking run.

I played the third hand in the faraway land of China. In China, they do not say “shuffle up and deal” at the start of a tournament. Instead, they say “The Culture Revolution has ended for 30 years. The discussion about it has lasting for 30 years. Obviously it is not acceptable that we comment the resentment, right, and wrong of the former times. So just let us review some photos about it. This is a classical poker. Let someone who has experienced can recollect. Let someone who hasn’t experienced can be thoughts and feelings. The historical sense of the poker is for rememberance and forgetting.”